Thursday, 4 November 2010

Poor Whiskas is lonely

Yesterday when I raided the carpark for plastics, I found still in its packaging delivery box a friend. This is Whiskas. Whiskas had been left on the streets this Autumn by some poor delivery men who couldn't care. I didn't know who owned any legal cat guardians, so I stood Whiskas up and left Whiskas in the streets.

Dear Whiskas,
I hope you are ok? It is a shame nobody seems to show any interest in your package. People do look at you though. Maybe next time you will be picked and will be lucky. You know that winter is on its way and Autumn is already here! I hope you do not get too cold this Christmas and that you find a lovely home soon.

Dear Whiskas, It has been quite some time since I last wrote and I did not hear from you at all. Have you fallen in Love? With somebody else? I hope you are okay and I send my love though I have no home for you. Have you found any potential owners? The floors are getting frosty. I know someday soon you will be picked and brought to a special shiny bowl and befriended by a cat with a healthy appetite - indeed a shiny bowl that is licked clean! Even though you are lonely, I am with you always, even if you have turned into poo. I'm sorry I could not digest you like you would want me to, but since the day my eyes rested upon your silky smooth package I am your lonely companion still. We are soul mates, like a duck in love with a chicken. I hope your chunky tuna pieces have not become victim to some violent youth attack and squished out onto the cold streets? I would cry. I pray you get eaten safely.

Dear Whiskas, Don't stand there looking glum! you must dance! attract your suitor. Don't just stand there, do something nice, give onlookers some puppy dog eyes and maybe you might find a home for Christmas. Pita Peta Pita Peta RSPCA Respect able ReSPeCtAble people look after your owners. Peta Pitter Patter.

A message to all. Do not buy pets for children if they cannot be looked after. A cat is for life, not just for Christmas. So often animals are starved by their owners and left out in the rain. a Whiskas a day keeps the Respectable people away.

Dear Whiskas, I have found a new soul mate. John West. Tuna in sunflower oil. yum yum yum. with Hellman's mayonnaise blooooooooop. olives. and fresh baked bread.

I know you will meet a new love. I'll see you in poopoo after life when my body digests into maggots and poo and my coffin physically smells of 'old' or of 'history'.

Can you smell the smell of history?

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